Purposeful Life

Today is Thursday, April 4, 2013
I have an increased desire to do/be better. I know that my potential is greater than I am able to visualize at this time. So many things are happening and I need clarity. My first impulse is to go to my knees and pray. After that I just start cleaning and the next day I forget these intense desires to BE better. The spirit puts into my mind a seed of what I can do but my "natural" man forgets about the seed (and how to grow something beautiful) and I do nothing because it is easier. Right NOW I am aware of my inconsistent personality. I know that I am not living the life I am meant to live. That is the purpose of this blog. I want to develop a purpose to my actions. I want to rejoice in my triumphs and learn from my mistakes. I easily forget my blessings. I need to remember the everyday life I live so that I can change. I am doing this for me.

I want to refine my character.
I find myself wasting time because I feel like I deserve to do what I want. I loose sight of what is really important to me and I try to feel the void with food and internet. I ignore the basic needs of my children because I am selfish and lazy. I am aware of my flaws and trying to discover my strengths. I love my kids and husband. I am going to do things out of love and control my temper. I am going to pray for help on this because I easily forget. I forget how young my kids are and when I see their faces after I yell it breaks my heart. I want to correct them with love. I want to give them the tools to succeed. I need help from heaven.

I would like to get back to the basics.
Personal and Family prayer everyday, before school and before bed. Family scripture study-sitting down, where everyone has a book and tries to read. FHE- sharing responsibilities, everyone contributes and we learn to communicate in an place where the spirit can teach. Exercise- personal wellness, family togetherness, active family time. Family meals-sitting down to eat a healthy meal at the table. (Our table is always messy and the seating is hard to accomadate all 5 of us but we could do it if we wanted.) Preparing for success-laying out clothes, following through, job charts. I know this is not basic but I would love for my kids to learn the piano so they can succeed where I failed. I want to give them the oppurtunity to dance, soccer, gymnastics, whatever makes them happy.

I want to simplify my home and environment.
Garage saleing started in Boise. Truman was little and Lauren a twinkle in my eye. It quickly became the highlight of my summer Saturday mornings. I could get clothes, toys, and furniture for cheap. It was necessary at the beginning because of our limited finances but It took on a life of its own. Now everything we own has been purchased at a garage sale. Our house looks a little like DI. It is hard to keep our home clean because of all the STUFF. I want to simplify and use what we have. I need to go through our home with a fine tooth comb and eliminate everything that is not serving a purpose and does not have a place. This is very hard for me. I need help. I am back on my knees.

I would like to learn at work, home, and church.
When I graduated I stopped the active learning that comes from daily classes. Group discussions. The stress and pressure of tests. (which I don't miss and I still wake up in a cold sweat thinking I have a test and didn't study for it.)I should take every opportunity to learn but I find myself distracted by the internet or movies or books on tape. Anything that keeps me from having to think about my responsibilities. OH how different my life is from what I had imagined it to be when I was young.
At Work: I have signed up for FCCS and asked to be trained for the ICU. I need to do something everyday to be a better nurse.
At Home: I need to try to be a better mom and homemaker. I have to keep this simple because I have a habit of making lists that never get looked at again.
FHE, Family prayer, Family scripture study. There are so many books I want to read about parenting but the one in my purse right now: The Entitlement Trap by the Eyres.
At Church: I don't get to go to RS because I teach every other week in the 5 year old class. I work every other weekend. My spiritual enrichment has to be up to me. I am not on a mission.

I want to live on purpose. I want to actively make changes to be better. I know that I will make mistakes but I am prepared to laugh and move on.